It no longer hurts

When you break up with someone it can be hard. When your life was with that person and you lose them it can be devastating. It feels as if your heart has been ripped savagely from your chest. The pain is unreal. It gets easier as the days go by. It doesn’t hurt so much. Crying yourself to sleep is now an option not an obligation. You learn how to live alone again, eat alone, sleep alone, just being alone. You move on.

The first contact after a break up is hard. There is always a winner. Luckily it was me. When we broke up I went through hell and came back. The day after the break up he had already moved on. I knew her. It cained like a bitch.

It took me time to move on. I didn’t start dating straight away. I grieved the relationship, and started to go out with my friends. Start to laugh again, a genuine laugh. A genuine smile. It was no longer forced. I could be happy again, back to me. I still thought about him but not as regularly.

About 2 months after the break up I saw him. I was on my way to the dentist, in my own little world I guess. I was not expecting to see him. I was accompanied by a friend, male, and if I might add, very good looking. He drove slowly past me, I could feel my face turning bright red. I felt bad, I was with someone. Even though there was nothing going on with this friend, I felt guilty. I didn’t want him to hurt. Atleast not the way he hurt me. At this point I was still not seeing anyone. It didn’t matter. No one deserves to hurt.

About another month passed. I was mising him. Just missing the company. Even though we would argue. He was still there. Someone I could let it all out with. He sent me a message. It read Please can you call me when you have a chance. I thought maybe I had something of his and he wanted it back, or vice-versa. He told me that it was all my fault, he had moved on because he thought I had too. He told me he was sure I was with someone. He told me how much he loved me and how he wanted to fight to get me back. I told him I’ve moved on, and that I was with someone else. And I was. I was finally happy again. Why did he have to text me?

He threw me off guard. I was so confused. I did love him at one point. But I felt I could never get back with him. Although I had missed him, it didn’t mean that he was a good person. Or that it was a good idea to get back together.